How to Join A Church
Churches do not exist to cater to your needs.
Last year, I purchased a new car. Now, I’m a car nut, so I love car shopping. When you go car shopping, you have a list of items that you want in your car. Does it have heated seats? What about lane keep assist? Front-wheel or all-wheel drive? Once you’ve decided what you want in your car, then you have to decide on the price and once that’s decided, you drive off into the sunset with your brand new car.
Buying a car works… when you're buying a car. Consumers want to make sure they are getting something for a good value. That doesn’t work as well when it comes to churches and yet we think it does. We “church shop” just like we are buying cars. As I said, this doesn’t work well when it comes to finding a faith community, but this is how most people determine which church they are going to join.
Just like that mental checklist I have when I go car shopping, people have a checklist when they go church shopping. Is there great preaching? Is there something for the kids? How’s the worship band? Do they have a choir? What are the politics like?
People bring that mental list when they visit a church. They want to see what’s on their list. Now, on some level, that makes sense. We just don’t want to pick any church or even worse, a church that’s a bad fit. However, when I read the second chapter of Acts, I don’t hear about the new members of the faith looking for the best youth ministry or nursery.
Back in the aughts, I planted a church. I remember getting a phone call from someone interested in visiting and asking if there was a choir. I said we didn’t have a choir at this moment. Before I could say another word, the person said thank you and hung up.
The writer Fredrica Matthews-Green wrote an essay a few years ago called “How to Revive a Dead Church.” In it, she discusses how people tend to choose communities of faith like they would buying a new car. “They think like consumers and seek an experience that is enjoyable, edifying, and convenient,” she says. “ They have little reason to stick around when a church fails the audition; there’s always another church, just a block away.”
She offers those who are looking for a new church home to do something that is definitely countercultural: visit a “dead” church and invest time in it. Matthews-Green notes, “When you visit such a church, your impulse is to leave and find another one that’s more alive. But there’s another possibility: a “dead” church can be revived. There are things you can do to bring a church to life.”
She offers some tips on what to do which include connecting with the spiritually engaged in the congregation and using the church directory to pray for each member. She closes the essay by saying that taking this approach in finding a community of faith instead of picking a church like a consumer is more in the keeping of who Jesus is because where Jesus is there is resurrection. “By finding and befriending other church members who are spiritually strong, by following the pastor’s vision, and by supporting in prayer the work God is already doing, you can help bring a congregation to life.”
This essay has been rolling around in my head for weeks and it brings a lot of things to mind. I think about how American society is less willing to invest in anything or take risks and build institutions and projects that are bold and daring. I think about the commentator Yuval Levin who says that institutions like the church are less places that form you, but have become places where you can perform and be the “true you.” Instead of builders, we have consumers.
But we really need builders, because there is a world that needs to hear the good news of the gospel.
I haven’t read much Anne Lamott, but I am reminded of her first description of what became her faith community: St. Andrews Presbyterian Church in Marin County, California. Lamott’s life was a mess; she was addicted to drugs and alcohol, family and friends succumbed to illnesses and depressed. The church welcomed her just as she was and she has said more than once that she is alive because of St. Andrews. What fascinates me is her initial description of the church:
…then she began to hear music, gospel music coming from a little church across the street, which turned out to be St. Andrew Presbyterian. Her description is classic. “It looked homely and impoverished, a ramshackle building with a cross on top, sitting on a small parcel of land with a few skinny pine trees.” She knew some of the hymns from the time she used to go to church with her grandparents. She began to stand in the doorway and listen. “I couldn’t believe how rundown it was, with terrible linoleum and plastic stained-glass windows. It had a choir of five black women and one rather Amish-looking white man and a congregation of thirty people or so, radiating kindness and warmth. During the time when people hugged and greeted each other, various people would come back to where I stood to shake my hand or try to hug me. I was as frozen and still as Richard Nixon.”
She stood in that doorway for months, listening to the singing, watching as this poor little congregation brought huge tubs of food for homeless people. Finally, she stepped through the door and, as inconspicuously as possible, sat in a folding chair near the door in order to escape before the sermon.
The church didn’t have all the programs that churches are supposed to have. What it did have was people who loved God and loved each other. That was what drew Lamott in and where she became a Christian. St. Andrews is that place that Dan White describes: “a bunch of ragamuffin Jesus-followers gathering around a table, trying to love God and love neighbors.”
Episcopal priest Matt Marino reminds us that the church is not there to feed us. It is not there to cater to our needs. The pastor’s sermons aren’t there to help you live a better life. Churches are there to help equip people to be God’s disciples not to entertain us:
The early Christians had a love that “compelled” them into the world in invitation and self-emptying service (2 Cor. 5:13–15). Please don’t bail out on your church because it doesn’t passively “feed” you. (Emphasis mine.)The church isn’t supposed to be a restaurant with waiters that pre-chew our food and dribble it into us like the SNL soft-teeth skit. It is supposed to be culinary school. Think about what culinary school gives someone: tools, knowledge, practice, confidence and helps you find a job cooking in the real world. Both visions of the church will change you: One will make you fat and passive. The other will change both you and the world as you serve it, adding flavor and taste to those around you.
So before you put a grotesque and distorted burden on your church, ask yourself how discipleship happened historically. Hint, it wasn’t sitting in a class memorizing gospel presentations or Bible verses on overcoming temptation. It was life on life: walking with Jesus. The disciples hung out around the fire with the Master for three years as he prayed, taught, modeled, questioned, healed, demonstrated, prayed some more and finally sent them to…”go make disciples” and to “obey all I have commanded.” Every bit of this was active.
As the pastor of a small congregation, I am tired of playing the consumer game because there is no way we can win. The church isn’t here to feed people or cater to your wishes. I want to be a “ragamuffin” congregation, a church that’s a little on the shabby side and not as “beautiful” as other churches. I want a ragamuffin congregation where people who aren’t looking for the perfect church, but a place where they can worship together, pray and support one another. I’m interested in people who want to come from all walks of life and gather around the communion table in a sign of unity in Christ- something that is so missing these days. I’m looking for people who are builders, not looking for the next shiny new thing. Maybe more people would come to church, maybe not. But I want to build up the kingdom of God and the wider society, not cater to the whims of consumers.
Let me also make a request for people who happen to live in the Twin Cities in Minnesota. If you are looking for a place where you can worship together, where you can help revive a “dead” church, I would love to hear from you. Please drop me an email to learn more about our congregation.
Let me close by offering a bit of advice to people looking for a church home. Stop looking for a congregation that’s going to meet all your needs. Instead, look for the small congregation that’s barely holding on. Look for the one that has 10 people in worship. When you find that congregation, go and visit. Then do something rather crazy: commit yourself to be a part of it. Volunteer to use your skills to help the congregation. Link with people in the congregation who are spiritual leaders. Invite friends to be a part of the congregation. Because when you do that, you are building an institution that will be a vital part of the community, leading people to Christ and helping people with their earthly needs as well as issues demanding justice.
For those who are part of a down on their luck congregation, here is my advice: don’t give up. Yeah, it sucks coming to church and there are nine of other people in worship. You worry about the budget. It totally makes sense. But try to be faithful. Keep going to church. If you have a Bible study, keep going to that as well. Start thinking about gathering people together for prayer. Be faithful to God and to each other and seek to be a witness in the community where the church is located.
This is how my denomination defines church:
Within the whole family of God on earth, the church appears wherever believers in Jesus the Christ are gathered in His name. Transcending all barriers within the human family, the one church manifests itself in ordered communities bound together for worship, fellowship, and service; in varied structures for mission, witness, and mutual accountability; and for the nurture and renewal of its members.
The church is where the believers of Jesus gather in his name. It doesn’t say gathered with a great choir or with a $1 million budget. It says gathered in his name. Remember this, because that is all that is needed. The rest is fluff.
I’m no longer going to be a pastor that caters to needs. I am welcoming of those that need and desire grace and forgiveness. I am welcoming of those who sees the church in the same way someone struggling with alcohol addiction sees AA. I am welcoming of those who are willing to be part of the journey to building this small part of God’s kingdom and build the wider kingdom for the sake of the world.
As we gather in our churches this weekend for Pentecost, we have to remember that the early church drew people to Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit and not by having a great coffeeshop. It’s the Spirit and not program that matter.